It’s been a rough couple of days. A lot of grief and emotion coming through. When I’ve hit my capacity to feel, I resort to eating WAY more than I need.
As if the act of eating could somehow stop me from the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Or at least provide temporary comfort.
It’s a strategy I’ve used in the past. Many years ago it would have been followed by purging and a heightened inner critic harshly judging me for what happened, saying what I “should have”, “could have” done differently and why I’ll never be “strong enough”, “smart enough”, “good enough”, “________ (fill in the blank) enough”,and what will ultimately happen as a result.
This self-loathing would only cease when met by an outer distraction, some random demand for my time. And it would wait there on pause until I was alone again and could continue this inner beating.
But today I noticed something very different. There’s an incredible gratitude I’m feeling as I realize how different things are now, years into my practice of Self-Full Living, because now I’m watching and noticing what is happening with fresh eyes:
– With curiosity, rather than a critical eye
– With empathy, rather than criticism
– Seeking to understand, rather than to judge
– Willing to honor what I’m finding at the root, rather than distract myself with punishment and never see it
And that my friends is progress.
I haven’t really silenced my inner critic as much as I’ve recruited her and transformed her into an inner coach and mentor, someone who watches with wisdom and offers options for channeling the grief in more healthy ways, such as writing this post.
It’s NOT about living perfectly and never, ever doing the self-destructive “things” in the first place.
It IS all about HOW we see ourselves when caught in the act.
When we call a truce and learn to understand and befriend the various aspects of our inner world, life shifts into a higher order of operation. We see ourselves through more loving and compassionate eyes. And then we can then use that same set of eyes to see the rest of humanity.
This is how collective empowerment begins, with what is first and foremost within our initial locus of control, our own personal empowerment.
This is how world peace begins. It begins with your own inner peace.
Self-love isn’t optional or frivolous. It’s vital to our future. Are you ready to do your part?